e a brutal face
I need silence, I need to be alone
Look at me
My bony fingers wrapped in rags
I am pursued and love is withered
My eyes will see, if my spirit lives
The wind shouts its commands
The earth has stopped my ears
I dare not raise my hand
To hold the stones around my throat
I have heard of your beauty
And would sacrifice my days
These midnight wanderings
And vain laments
Pour upon me
A sympathetic glance
My splendour has gone
you will find me face down
let those days pass
in sorrowful procession
Among leafless groves
May a leaf unfold
I cry with rage
To be remembered with pity
Let the leaves unfold
Where dead leaves have rotted
Ask me what I suffer
Years of fruitless clinging
to enfeebled arms
That wave of benevolent salute
I have heard of your beauty
Pursue me, beckon me
to cast the stones from my throat
in the earth's dark entrails
My glazed eyes close forever
My my eyes will see
If my spirit lives


4. Drink The Midnight Hymn

Under a serene sky
Earth covers your gentle form
in verdant fields
Soul is reft from bodies
To my head I raise
A wreath of white flowers
And cry "Unhappiness"
My mournful valediction
I drink deep into your soul
Killed with hate
You died with love
The cry of my heart
The cry of my soul
Dreamless sleeper
Your face, the grave will change
Your blood poured
liked your saviour's
I drink the midnight hymn


5. Museum Of Iscariot

Jesus lies dying in my bed
Companions since birth...
in this stagnant dingy haunt
he never really lived.
Last night I beat him as he would not leave
My insane eyes stare at him as his welted body bleeds
Frequently I rape him as I know nothing else
He curls up like a fetus and paints his face with sadness
Now a fragment of remorse has etched
I bandage his wounds, I kiss the face of Jesus Christ but he is dead
What can I do?
You have forsaked me, called yourself messiah, expected me to follow
But now he is dead and his prophecies with him
I will bury him not as insult to your face
as I stare at his corpse one detail disturbs me
His cold stark finger points where I have not been...
From my house, a cage of rotten wood
I stumble forth to lay beneath the bush
withered bones groan,
I cultivate as the soil and I grow closer
The sun receives an empty gaze
it mourns
it knows my life is gone
No more to offer but my flesh to this soil
and a single tear marks my final prayer
a rosebud sits in the palm of your hand as I end
this flower
it blossoms


6. Lamenting Kiss

A child was born in silence
And winter rose to clothe itself
With a voice of one who weeps
I curse this memory
You held the hand of hope
With glory's wreath
And deceiver's promise
The vows your lips have sworn
Tomorrow wear decay
Stifled sobs
Bow to cold laughter
The breeze is speechless
As the dust drinks the dew
A child-like hope
With fear betrothed
Never ceases to kiss my feet
This is my final lamenting kiss
I have spun my last thread
My dreams have broke
My jewels are tarnished
The wailings of the heart
Are with the unborn
Dreams of poetry
It is cold within
My knotted hand strikes
A tuneless chord
The noise of tongues
In my darkened labyrinth
Prophesies are withered
To a face careworn
Why have I forsaken you?
The dove so long imprisoned
Sour remembrance
Of a day never born
My retreating steps
Are clothed in shadows
Laden in black
A man foresworn
Heaven wept
For the wounds that bled
Tears more bitter than blood
Vex my soul
I am thrown on your mercies
Yet my heart is still hardened
Weep for me, my god, weep for me
Sooth my grief
Through my artless prayers
My tears burden your aching soul
I held hope's hand
But let her forsake me
May I be faithful
to hold onto yours
To my god of darkness
my sombre romantic


7. Weep For Me



8. I Sleep With The Emperor

I shivered
in the warmth of their god
Yet this mansion
is haunted by romance
His servants heal my scars
Anointing me with oil
I am naked and silk on this eve
His body will cradle his bride's
in frailty as I await his kiss
mortality ebbs from me
The pendulum sings
Twelve times it rings
I sleep with the emperor


9. A Poet's Tears Of Porcellan

As tears again bedew my cheek
To your knees I cling
Oh merciful one
Show me your glory
Was I not bruised?
Have you not healed?
They dance to silence
But your song I hear
Holy lord, fathomless god
tears flow
But the water is sweet
Holy lord, fathomless god
I fall as one dead
With quivering lips
Blessed be, priest and friend
All Heavens bow
In admiration
Fathomless depth
Measureless height
Great is your holiness


10. Opera De Trance

[bonus track]

Silence, my child
And bear your gifts of love
Feed me, feed me
Your drops of angel's blood
When will my body live?
When will my body begin to live?
"It will live when you die
You will die when you drink
Of the highest priest"


11. Whispers Of Dead Sisters

[bonus track]

Whispers to me, my depression
With a hint of murder
Watch them, the angels are forlorn
Watch them, they share my soul
I hide my face to cry
Why do I feel this kiss upon me?
I crave your presence
but the priests are pointing at me
They have made me your betrayer
But I whisper your name in the dark

Anger rests on my fingertips
A place where God (I am told) no longer lives
A mass of flesh they love to beat
But not without identity

On scabby knees I continue to crawl
The sores are open and blood trails behind
Rocks and stones meld into my skin
My body is a home for plagues
I hope the paradise is good, it must be
But the turbulence makes me brittle
I cannot see
I find myself holding hatred, it clings to me
I killed a man in my mind, I wanted him dead
Yes I have faith, Yes I am saved
But it doesn't stop my misery
It doesn't stop my hatred
It doesn't stop me wanting to die

Yet I'm still here despite the pain
I refuse to believe I was called to suffer...
I was called... to prosper.


12. Veil Of Tears

[bonus track]

Walk my dismal path
pursue my much walked ways
two hells i've found
two deaths i'll die
mere fools choose to stay

shut out the sky
in this (already) darkened room
as i prepare myself for slumber
where the weary are at rest
scraps of acrid marrow
dried and whitened spine
wasting of the limbs
abbreviated death

such a bitter satire
I'm content to rest alone
leave me here and i will lie
composed an dundisturbed
oh where can i find sorrow
to relieve me of my grief
i've shut my eyes to God above
and walked my dismal way
i've drunk the dregs of a wooden cup
i've trampled on His blood
i've smeared Him in my arrogance
i grieve i can't turn back

walk my dismal path
pursue my much walked way
two hells i've found
two deaths i'll die
mere fools here remain.


13. Mother Of Cripples

[bonus track]

A restless shadow
of a fiddler's elbow
plays a tune to
staggering feet
the burden of his songs
the looking glass scorns
at this disfigured
odious face

indeed alone
hugging my breast
the sun i neglect
in darkness i roam

offerings of flowers
on a barren grave
where my body will lie
uncared and unwept

idle bait, my shawl on the lattice
someone may see it
perhaps look my way
no thread of sympathy
unites me to man
i lay softly
down once again

within my aged walls
taunts and vexatious
fragments of a tune
play most mournfully
with sadness in my voice
i break the solemn stillness
my drooping head falls
on languid hands

Ancient of days
Creator of life
from the womb
You have formed me
my vile sight You love
covered by Your shadow
held within Your hand
made in Your likeness
precious am i

the glare of a sinking flame
binds me to my clay

indeed alone
hugging my breast
the sun i neglect
in darkness i roam

offerings of flowers
i rest in the earth
my body will lie
uncared and unwept.


14. Anthem

[bonus track]

You shared flesh with me
danced with me in the ancient circle
of birth life and death
but You live again

while autumn leaves fall
in the summer of my life
it is the millstone
around the neck of us all
but You wore it like a crown
weaving to the shrill
that makes cowards of us all
but to You it was harmony

You knew shame like no other
You tasted death like no other
You shed tears like no other man

this incarnation repelled me
but threw me to my knees
could i be anything
but a moth to the flame
Your cross compels me
You are the breath that gives me life
You are mystery
You are beauty
You are the risen Christ.